Tag Archives: colorado

merging shooter james holmes and old timey porn star john holmes

so when the mugshot of james holmes was released yesterday, i instantly rememebered some pictures of old school porn star john holmes and asked my friend, steve jerman, to do one of his ‘mergings’ of the two men.

steve did this pronto, and that is pictured above.    check out the mug shot that was released when viewed alongside an old pic of porn star john holmes, the juxtaposition of which made me think to ask steve to do this thing:

steve is a great artist.  you should check out his book.  below, a youtube video he made of the basic process.

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a shooting in colorado

it’s late thursday night/early friday morning.   it’s another big budget comic book movie opening.  the movie screens just after midnight to squeeze all the juice and hype out of it that can be had.  the smaller theatre is packed.  there’s a certain type of movie-goer who wants to be first to see the new ‘thing’, whatever it is.  they almost always turn out in droves.   the highly anticipated movie is playing and the crowd is lost in their cinematic experience.

in the darkness, from the front of the theater, a rolling and hissing sound occurs.  then a shot into the air.  then shots into the audience.  it’s mayhem.  many are dead and dozens more are wounded.

it’s a stupid tragedy.   a nut with a gun.

each time this happens the reaction is predictably banal.   one part of society wants to blame the gun.   another wants to blame the media the shooter might have consumed – film, tv, pornography, whatever.  certain factions of the media will look into the person’s background to try to find some deeper, more nuanced culprit.  they are all big on blame.  they want to point a finger like the gun itself was pointed.  i don’t know what the point of that could be.

why would someone kill and hurt so many people randomly?   people ask the question like there is an answer that would satisfy.

the theories abound:  was he acting out a movie or something, playing out some script he had made in his head?  the media and the public react almost like they are going off of their own script.  they run with stories of: what precautions are being taken to ensure this doesn’t happen here?  are local moviegoers staying home instead of going to the movies because of the tragedy?  was the killer influenced my movies and comic books (we’ll tell you what your kids might be reading at 11!)?  were his parents intolerably cruel to him?  was his bullied?  did he ever get laid?  why did he dye his hair?  what kind of car did he drive?  and on and on.

they report it as though there is some combination of media, trauma and personality disorder than can drive someone to kill random people in the biggest possible number.

after 9/11, we settled in for a long campaign of security bullshit in the name of freedom.  and though airport security has proven itself in this country to be ineffective, we still put our toiletries in bags, take off our shoes, and surrender our liberty temporarily to people at the airport who want to look at infra-red pictures of our naked bodes, just before they run the back of their hand over a woman’s tits or a guys crotch.

in the wake of this awful event, many people will call for increased security at movie theaters,  like this is likely to happen again and again.

we live in a fear based and safety obsessed culture.  whenever anything happens that is negative, an effort is made to stop that bad thing from ever happening again.  it starts small – bicycle helmets and metal detectors.  but taken to the extreme, our hunger for surety and safety leads us slowly to less freedom and a kind of paralysis.

we also live in an increasingly narcissistic, individual-driven culture where the self is all and everyone’s point of view has to be catered to.   the shooter in this case is no different.  when i was young and feeling lost and miserable, it never occured to me to kill anyone else.  it was always a suicidal instinct.  in the wake of shootings like this, i wonder if the self-centered culture we’ve crafted makes this a last resort.  the postmodern suicide is inverted, and you therefore try to kill everyone else.

the shooter in this case was james holmes.

some reports have him acting out a ‘joker’ persona as he’s been in custody.  is this surprising or satisfactory?   of course he’s playing a role.  he’s playing the role of a mad killer, because he is one.   he’s imitating the worst of crazy behavior, maybe because he’s nuts and maybe because he thinks that’s what a mad killer is supposed to do.  i’m sure he’s played out even the scenario he’s in now a 1000 times.  i wonder if it’s going like he hoped?

here’s a gallery of his pics:

 

a lot is being made in the media that they can’t find his twitter or facebook accounts, as though his being on social media is a given.  he probably deleted or deactivated any accounts, for whatever reason, before the violence.  but maybe not.  curiously, his adult friend finder account was created just this month and wasn’t deleted.  he looks like a total goof.  maybe this was intentional.

not being able to find his social networking stuff, the experts started to weight in on what this could mean:

“it’s certainly unusual. data suggests that 95 to 98 percent of people holmes’ age are on social media,” dr. megan moreno, of university of wisconsin-madison school of medicine and public health, told CBS News.  as for that other 5-to-2 percent, moreno, highlighted a link between extreme internet use – or lack of use – and depression.

do you see what the ‘expert’ said there?  if you use too much internet (and i guess social networking), you are likely to be depressed.  but also, if you use too little, you might also be depressed?

the assumptions here are ridiculous.  first, that he didn’t just deactivate or delete his stuff before he wanted to go apeshit is something you don’t know.  second, that if you are a human being, you must, in some way use social networking.  third, that your main use of the internet is likely social networking.  and fourth, that some degree of social networking is necessary to be mentally healthy?  meh…. i dunno.

my point is – stories like this are a problem.  they dissect meaning and motive on a molecular level looking for those aforementioned ‘answers’ which do not exist.  in helping people to deal with the grief and sadness, they endorse precautions which aren’t necessary and only serve to reinforce that fear, that grief.

perhaps the coverage of these shootings makes future shootings more likely to happen.  the angry loner who might otherwise just be a passive aggressive dick in life or hurt himself can make the leap from turning his self loathing outward rather than inward.  slowly, the fantasy of doing something awful and achieving infamy feeds his ego and helps him forget how crazy he must actually be, or how much he truly hates himself or life itself.

the media has made a big deal about how he dropped out of medical school, that he may have been living off a national institutes of health university grant, that he booby trapped his apartment, that his hair was dyed a comical color and that he ‘planned’ the mass murder.

whereas the story of the victims and their lives give our grief a name and a measure of the true humanity of the situation, the details they feed us about the killer give us some measure of control, some degree of safety.  we can look at him and say, like i said in the sierra newbold blogs, that he is not us.  it isn’t us that did this awful thing.  we can feel comfort in the fact that we are nothing like him.  and though i do think there’s some measure of an outward, destructive impulse inside us all, of course we aren’t like him.

of course this is an aberration – that’s why we are talking about it so much.  if the movie went off without a hitch, save for the fact that a kid tripped on the stairs in the dark, we wouldn’t mention that if we were in the theater itself, because that happens a million times a day.

that this is so appalling, that we feel the need to pointlessly dissect every aspect of it is proof that this is not the norm.  it is not a trend.  it’s just an awful thing that happened because of one asshole.   the curious part is that he gave himself up and is still alive to be ogled like a diseased zoo animal.

i’ve visited the denver and specifically the aurora, colorado area a lot.  denver is one of my favorite cities.  some pics from the area can be found here, but given my photographic inclination, they are probably largely just of random people.    it’s the only connection i can find to the area to share, and i can’t find the ones i liked the most that i took earlier….but there’s the link anyways.

the shooter had his first court appearance today.  i wonder if he was drugged, or if he’s trying to appear out of it.  maybe he is just downright mentally ill.  he bobbed his head and blinked a lot, like a moronic champion.  i took a screenshot on my phone and made him into a painting, since he appears so clown-like.

james holmes at his first court appearance, if claude monet was the courtroom sketch artist

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rally for sanity and/or fear road trip – days 5 and 6 – the end

there’s nothing quite like racing across the country.  this is such a HUGE country.

the car above is the car i rented for this trip.  originally i was going to take this trip in a big ford crown victoria i bought that was an ex-police car.   i like those cars because they are roomy, still get decent gas mileage, are powerful and most importantly – on the interstate people get the hell out of your way when you come up behind them. but i sold it for a good profit and bought another.  but the next one i bought i hadn’t registered yet.

and by the time all this came about it was too late to buy a reasonably priced flight.  i have two cars but i thought it would be easier and more worry free to just rent something.  plus i’d get much better gas mileage.  but boy, did i beat the hell out of this thing.  i wasn’t cruel to it or malicious.  but i drove and drove and drove this poor little 4 cylinder monster.  it handled, as a lot of front wheel drive cars do, like a little shopping cart.  the wheels feel like they are gyrating back and forth as you plow ahead.  i’d never buy one of these, but it served it’s purpose.  thank you, rental car.

and as i said before, because i neglected to vote early and because i had work to do when i got home, it was imperative that i hustle home from washington dc all the way back to utah as fast as possible.  on the way i went in three days, which seemed downright leisurely – although i could easily have take three more days to explore, snap photos and meditate along the way.

but the way home is different than the way there.  always is.  it just feels different.  and having what can only amount to a deadline is downright self-cruelty.

so off we raced at 7:00 am the first day.  winding through virginia, then pennsylvania and ohio in all their pretty fall colors at a steady 80 mph clip is almost therapeutic.  somewhere in there, around columbus, maybe – i decided to go more south just to take the i-70 route rather than the slightly faster i-80 route.   and since i didn’t have time for a stop in cincy to maybe see some long lost family i instead went through dayton and into indianapolis again.  along the way there, in a state where, as i’ve said before, i see more dead deer on the side of the road than any other state i’ve ever been in – i had my own encounter with a deer.

i was in the far right lane going about 75 mph.  a deer starting charging towards my lane about 50 yards ahead of me.    maybe closer, because he was close enough that IF he decided to keep running i probably would have hit him or had to do some mad maneuver driving and sliding on the shoulder of the highway – though it was kind of sloped and might have been pretty awful.  instead i slowed as much as i could and jerked my wheel from side to side.  this must have made him somehow see me more clearly and he kind of juked a bit like a football player and then hopped back and ran in the opposite direction.  he lives – for now.  but with judgement like this, he probably isn’t long for this world, though he was quite large.  this all happened in a split second, really.  funny how fast things can change in life.

anyways i curved south from indianapolis and through indiana only stopping for gas.  i was tempted, VERY tempted to stop in hammond, indiana to visit the home of another writer, talker and thinker i’ve always admired – jean shepherd.  instead i just listened to some old recordings of his old radio show on my phone and barreled through missouri – finally bedding down at a hotel near the kansas border after about 16 hours of basically straight driving.  no internet at the hotel so no blog post that night.

the first day, though, would feel like child’s play compared to day two.  actually, both days were about the same as actual time spent driving.  but having done the same sprint the day before made the 2nd day seem that much longer and harder to do.  it was just a lot of driving.  kansas is absolutely boring to drive through.  i’m sure it’s populated with vital, interesting people who are beset with many challenges, endowed with many wisdoms and blessed with many niceties – but driving through it with no intention to stop is hard.  at least it was at the start of the day.

at some point, for no real reason at all, i was pulled over by a state trooper.  he said i was ‘following a semi too closely’ but i was only doing that, if i really was, because he was in my blind spot sitting there running my tag.  i knew he was going to pull me over the moment i saw him.  and so he did.  he asked to see the license and peered all around what was in plain sight and inquired about where we were going and where we were coming from.  probably just looking for drugs or something.  over the next 10 miles i saw a few more people pulled over. maybe after a while they caught someone.  who knows.

at some point there i found some billboards that had that same ‘obama isn’t really american’ vibe.  one had his picture and said he was a ‘wannabe marxist dictator’.  if felt weird to see them, especially after the nice vibe of the rally.

this type of advertising, rhetoric, approach is all that’s wrong with things in this country.  you can’t just disagree with someone – they have to be somehow illegitimate.  or else they are crazy.  or stupid.  maybe all of the above.  etc.

it felt like a fresh day when i got into colorado.  the clouds there always seem to be putting on a show.  as i drove through denver it was getting dark.  and on i drove.

about 11 pm i was nearing the utah/colorado border.  i was listening to jack kerouac read poetry to steve allen’s jazz piano.  he said:

“I was traveling west one time at the junction of the state line of Colorado – its arid western one, and the state line of poor Utah. I saw in the clouds huge and massed above the fearing golden desert of even fall – the Great Image of God with four fingers pointed straight at me. Through halos and rolls and gold foals that were like the existence of the gleaming spear in His right hand which sayeth  ‘c’mon boy, go thou across the ground. Go moan for man. Go moan. Go groan. Go groan alone. Go roll your bones. Alone. Go thou and be little beneath my sight. Go thou and be minutest seed in the pod. Go thou go thou – die hence, and of this world report you well and truly’.  anyway i wrote the book because we’re all gonna die…”

love that stuff.  i first really read kerouac as i myself was ‘on the road’ fleeing my probation and various creditors at the age of 19 or so going from florida to san francisco.  i read it at just the right time – and the words, the speech patterns, the meaning and depth of it and him seem hard wired into my brain.

the road at night is mysterious.  at times you can be going up or downhill and you can’t tell which.  if the car isn’t laboring you might never know.  i know i said things, i wrote things down, i listened to stuff – but it’s all a haze.  i do distinctly remember listening to talking heads ‘road to nowhere’ really loud, crusing the rolling hills of west colorado and thinking – ‘that’s so goddamn right’, but that’s about it.  i stopped at a couple of stores – but neither i or the people working the register seemed real to me.  i was part animal by this time.  some kind of road animal heading like a laser to an unseen and seemingly ever farther away destination.   i just needed fuel and a soda – something to keep me occupied while i drove so i didn’t fall asleep or worse, disappear all together.  i probably overdid it this day.

you know you’ve driving too far and too long when you are in kansas and you reason that utah is ‘very close’.

i was fading fast on the windy and hilly route 191/6 in southern utah. luckily there was some intense road construction in utah near provo all the way to lehi so that kept me on my toes.  this is basically my home turf, anyways.

finally got home a little aftet 2 AM.  another 18 hour day though this felt so much longer than the previous day.  probably BECAUSE of the previous day. no blog post then either because i forgot to pay the comcast bill so my cable was off until i paid it this morning. better i didn’t post last night, anyways.  i probably would have raved too much.

6 days.  4500 miles.  72 hours of driving.  15 states.  probably 30 diet coke fountain drinks.  1 rally to restore sanity and/or fear.  5 hotel rooms.  1 case of food poisoning.  about 1200 photographs.  3 traffic stops.  2 traffic tickets.  2 near accidents (1 w/semi, 1 w/deer), countless ideas and meditations.  i will never forget it.

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